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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28250760">As The World Turned Black And White</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilith_wnchstr/pseuds/lilith_wnchstr'>lilith_wnchstr</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angel Wings, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Canon Compliant, Castiel Has Rainbow Wings (Supernatural), Dreamsharing, Emotionally Repressed Dean Winchester, Finale whomst, Fix-It of Sorts, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not Really Character Death, Panic Attacks, Partly Human Cas, Post-Canon, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Sharing a Body, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, They're just plain idiots, scratch that</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:53:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,569</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28250760</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilith_wnchstr/pseuds/lilith_wnchstr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It was in that moment that Castiel realised a crucial thing about himself: His grace was woven into his vessel's flesh, his wings attached to his mortal body. He was no angel anymore.</p><p>Basically Cas is too human to be taken by the Empty so he comes back to our world without a body.</p><p>I suck at summaries.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel &amp; Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester &amp; Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>146</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello!<br/>The finale was horrible, so what do you do? You write fanfiction.<br/>Thanks for being an amazing beta, Neli.<br/>Enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Goodbye, Dean.</em>
</p><p>Those were the last words he had said before the Empty had taken him.</p><p>He'd been ready for death, more than willing to die if it meant Dean could live. He'd been ready to spend eternity reliving his worst memories over and over and over again. Hell, he'd expected something along these lines to happen eventually.</p><p>He'd <em>not </em>been expecting to find himself being pushed repeatedly against an invisible barrier. A being as old as the Universe itself straining and cursing his name.</p><p>It was in that moment that Castiel realised a crucial thing about himself: His grace was woven into his vessel's flesh, his wings attached to his mortal body. <em>He was no angel anymore.</em></p><p>As soon as that thought manifested in his head he felt the barrier giving off a powerful pulse, propelling him away from the Empty.</p><p>He more felt than heard the Empty let out a scream of extreme anguish and came after him.</p><p>Suddenly light erupted from his chest, growing ever brighter until it was impossible to see. He felt it beginning to pulse, faster and faster until it stopped without any warning.</p><p>Where there had been the Empty before, now there was, well, emptiness. Or not exactly. His surroundings were changing, landscapes flew past like he was looking out a train's window, colours morphing into houses, people, animals.<br/>
He felt like he was witnessing everyone's life in seconds, blink once and gone.</p><p>After what might have been hours it slowed, changing more lazily and yet into the most detailed picture yet. Seeing it broke his heart.</p><p>Dean was sitting on the ground, leaning against a wall. He was looking every way the broken shell he'd always thought of himself as, staring unbelievingly at the bloody handprint left on his shoulder.</p><p>But something was... <em>off</em> about it. Something that didn't have to do with Dean looking like a shadow of himself. Cas couldn't quite put his finger on it until Dean raised his hands to his face and let out a sob.</p><p>The sound was muffled. Just as it had been when the Winchesters from that other dimension had come to the bunker, trapped between worlds with no way to escape, doomed to be trapped there forever.</p><p>But they had been human, something Cas wasn't despite not being an angel anymore. He still had his grace. And his wings.</p><p>An idea hit him. A stupid, downright idiotic Winchester idea. He could try to tear a small hole into the fabric of reality, fly through it and mend it as soon as he was on the other side.</p><p>It wasn't a good idea, Cas knew that much. He could end up destroying not only himself but also his dimension. Then again, what did he have to lose?</p><p>A look of cold determination on his face, wings arched up high behind him, he began searching for a weaker point and <em>ripping</em>.</p><p>After that his memories went fuzzy, the only thing he was certain of was the feeling of victory and pain like he was being burned alive.</p><p>***</p><p>When he came back to himself it wasn't exactly like waking up, more like he was slowly gliding back into his head, his body feeling like one big chunk of – well, he supposed he didn't actually know <em>what </em>he was – impossible to move individually.</p><p>Then he noticed something else that wasn't quite right: He was floating several feet above the ground.</p><p><em>Well that doesn't seem normal. </em>A voice sounding suspiciously like Dean started speaking in his... head? He still couldn't feel his vessel. Cas did the mental equivalent of shrugging. Maybe he had been killed one time too many and was finally experiencing side effects from it.</p><p>He looked at the floor, the only thing he was able to see from this angle. It did look suspiciously like the concrete floor in the bunker's dungeons.</p><p>Cas blinked or tried to, anyway. Had his plan really worked? Certainly seemed like it. Except for the fact that he still didn't feel <em>any </em>part of his body.</p><p>Well, he could worry about that later. Right now he had to find Dean and...</p><p>Pray he didn't get a pitiful smile and clap on the back? A "Cas, you're my best friend... but that's <em>all </em>you are to me, okay? You're family, you know that, but please don't, uh, do any of your, you know, <em>gay </em>stuff around me, yeah? Okay... Good talk, buddy." and Dean slowly removing himself from Cas' life?</p><p>Although deep down he knew that Dean wouldn't say something like that his mind screeched to a halt and he had to mentally slap himself out of this state.</p><p>Even <em>if </em>Dean were to abandon him completely it would be worth it. Because that was what defined Cas to his core, something humans couldn't understand.</p><p>The second he'd laid his gaze on Dean's soul in hell, he'd started falling. Dean gave life a meaning after Heaven failed him, Dean became the source of his faith, stopped being his mission.</p><p>Dean taught him free will.</p><p>Dean <em>was </em>free will, his continued survival downright <em>mocking </em>Chuck's plans.</p><p>Dean Winchester started Castiel's downfall.</p><p>And his rise. Because what he'd said wasn't a lie. Knowing Dean had changed him. And he would do anything to ensure he didn't die too early, even if it meant being hated by the one he loved.</p><p>Cas took in a deep breath. He could do this.</p><p>Then he became acutely aware of the silence around him. Hadn't Dean <em>just </em>been sitting here crying?</p><p>He turned around and<em> woah</em>. There was <em>no way</em> he had a physical body. Just the slight turn had sent him reeling into the nearest wall – literally, Cas could see the decades-old cables running through it.</p><p>He carefully managed to wriggle out again. Maneuvering a non-existentbody was <em>not</em> something he was experienced in.</p><p>Cas started trying to experimentally float around. Turned out it wasn't very hard, just... weird. He could feel dust particles passing through him. It wasn't a very comfortable sensation.</p><p>And so his search for the Winchesters started.</p><p>***</p><p>Floating through walls did have its perks as it turned out. He could cover the bunker without having to walk through the hallways and open every door individually. Cas could just float from one room to the next. It almost made up for the dust particle feeling.</p><p>He was just in the bathroom, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror (he looked like a ball, glowing vaguely blue from inside, colour shining out of his core, forming almost alien looking shadows around him), when he heard faint voices.</p><p>"So.. what are we gonna do now? I mean, Chuck is gone. We're free for the first time in our lives."</p><p>Sam. Sam was alive. And he was talking to someone, so-</p><p>"Yeah, guess we are... I don't know, Sammy. I really, really don't know. I mean, yeah, Chuck's gone. But so is Jack and- and <em>Cas</em> is gone, too. And..."</p><p>He could hear heavy footsteps coming nearer to where he was currently floating through the bathroom wall.</p><p>"Dean, are you ever gonna tell me what happened? What really happened? Not just 'He died protecting me.'?"</p><p>Cas reached them just in time to see Dean flinch. The relief he'd felt just a moment ago slowly being replaced by dread.</p><p>If this was how Dean reacted to just the mention of his name, how would he react when he actually <em>saw</em> him?</p><p>But it was too late to turn back now, he was already too close to them. Sam would look up and see him any second now.</p><p>Except he didn't.</p><p>"You know I'm here for you, right? You know you can tell me anything."</p><p>Sam was giving Dean a look like he was a frightened animal.</p><p>"Sure thing, Sam."</p><p>Even from his position behind them Cas could tell the smile he gave Sam was strained, fake.</p><p>They had reached Dean's room.</p><p>"You know what? I'll just- I think I'm just gonna sleep now, yeah? Goodnight, Sammy."</p><p>Without even giving him a chance to answer he closed the door.</p><p>Sam shook his head and left with one last worried look towards the door.</p><p>That exchange had certainly been... something.<br/>
So they'd done it, they'd defeated God. And apparently Jack was gone, too. Whatever that meant, he just hoped nothing too bad.</p><p>It would probably be best if they could have a conversation. There was just the small problem that they couldn't see him. Yeah, really great circumstances.</p><p>After a minute of looking for a solution that didn't involve any sacrifices Cas decided it would be best to try being seen by Dean. He'd always had a stronger bond to him, after all, so maybe he would be able to at least communicate with him in some way.</p><p>All of this was forgotten as soon as he entered the room. Dean was kneeling on the ground, tears in his eyes. The look on his face was exactly as the one he'd worn when Cas had seen him sitting in the dungeon.</p><p>A jacket was clutched to his chest.</p><p><em>He wore that when the Empty took me.</em> Cas realised.</p><p>A wave of protectiveness overcame him. The urge to cradle Dean's face, hold him close, wrap his wings around him and shield him from the world had never been more stronger.</p><p>Slowly Cas moved closer to him, for some reason afraid to scare him.</p><p>Dean didn't notice him, so Cas tried to reach out and place a tentative touch on his shoulder.</p><p>To his fascination a string of light started extending itself from his 'body' and wrapped itself around Dean's arm.</p><p>That <em>did </em>get him a reaction.</p><p>Dean's eyes shot up, looking for the source of the weird feeling in his arm but finding nothing.</p><p>Cas tightened his hold.</p><p>Dean's brows furrowed and he moved his unoccupied hand to his gun.</p><p>"Who's there?"</p><p>And then Cas made the mistake of trying to speak.</p><p>Because if Dean could feel his touch, he could surely talk with him, right?</p><p>Wrong.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have a vague idea of what's going to happen and no idea of how long this will be. Also thanks for betaing this so quickly, Neli.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>And then Cas made the mistake of trying to speak. </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Because if Dean could feel his touch, he could surely talk with him, right? </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Wrong.</b>
</p><p>What had been intended as 'It's Cas.' came out like the sound a garbage disposal makes when you try to shove a porcelain plate into it. All in all, it wasn't exactly the calming tone he'd been going for.</p><p>Dean had jumped up, gun raised, before Cas had even processed what had happened.</p><p>"Who's.There."</p><p>It wasn't even a question, it was a <em>demand. </em>Hissed quietly, threateningly. This was Dean in hunter mode, not the vulnerable man from just a few seconds ago.</p><p>He took a few steps forward, through Cas, and shuddered.</p><p>Then a gun was pointed vaguely to the place where he was floating mid-air.</p><p>Well, that <em>was </em>his own fault. He decided floating through Dean again was the best way to get his attention, so he did. It was even more unpleasant than the dust particles.</p><p>And oh boy did that get his attention.</p><p>Dean spun around, trying to find what had just given him a full body shudder but seemed to give up on that fairly soon and started running towards the library instead.</p><p>"Sam! Sam, I think there's a ghost here! Or at least something<em> like </em>a ghost."</p><p>Not <em>exactly </em>what he'd had in mind but he'd take what he got.</p><p>From his position behind Dean he could see Sam sitting at a table in the library, already reaching for his gun.</p><p>"What? Dean, a ghost in the bunker? You know how strong the wards are here, that's basically impossible. Did you... are you drunk?"</p><p>He was wearing the same concerned look as before, just slightly more annoyed this time.</p><p>"What? No. I only had like half a glass before <em>something</em> floated through me. Ugh, I still shudder thinking about that. It was like, I don't know, like where it touched me it felt like it was moving my atoms out of its way. It was disgusting."</p><p>Dean did an exaggerated shudder motion, tucking his pistol into his waistband and raised his eyebrows.</p><p>"So you're not just making this up because you can't cope with Cas being gone?"</p><p>It seemed like Sam regretted the words before they'd even completely left his mouth as he saw Dean flinch.</p><p>"Thats what you think? That I- I'm so... what? <em>Dependant </em>on him that I can't live without him?"</p><p>Ouch.</p><p>Cas could practically feel Dean tense up and build a wall around himself.</p><p>"No, that's not what I-"</p><p>"Because that isn't the case, Sam. But you weren't <em>there, </em>okay? You didn't see how... You didn't hear what he said. So quit acting like you know what's going on. Like I'm some... widower or whatever."</p><p>By now Dean seemed tense enough to snap, his voice wavering with emotions. Sam still didn't look like he believed a word Dean said.</p><p>Cas let out a sigh that had all three of them wincing at the gruesome noise and seemed to pull Dean out of his emotional state into the usual sassy one.</p><p>"Oh yeah, did I mention I heard that noise in my room? Or that it felt like someone had their hand wrapped around my arm?"</p><p>Sam shot an annoyed look at his brother, gesturing for him to go to the library,</p><p>When they turned around, Cas close on their heels, one of the strangest things happened:<br/>
There was suddenly a voice coming from somewhere, neither of the boys aware of it.<br/>
At first Cas couldn't make out any words, just the sound. Like a twisted and distorted version of Dean's voice. Foreign, yet oddly familiar.</p><p>For a second it seemed like it had vanished, but when it came back it was speaking words.</p><p>
  <em>Don't go there, don't think about Cas. </em><br/>
<em>But he's–</em><br/>
<em>Dead is what he is, don't think about him, you'll regret it. Don't think about him, you'll regret it. Don't. Just. Sam, ghost....thing. Focus. Don't do this to yourself, don't go there.</em>
</p><p>And suddenly he knew it. He knew it from the few times he'd been in Dean's head. It was Dean's thoughts. He was hearing Dean's thoughts.</p><p>That was new.</p><p>It might have to do with his bond to Dean, Cas reasoned. He had, after all, pulled him out of hell and in doing so accidentally bonded his grace to Dean's soul. Not that he regretted it. He regretted few things in his life, all of them being either betraying Dean or fighting with him, <em>hurting </em>him.</p><p>The angels had always mocked his feelings,  not just his human feelings, all of them. Angels weren't supposed to feel, especially not that intensely. But Cas was glad he did. He was glad he got to experience happiness whenever Dean looked at him, pride whenever Dean praised him, sadness when Dean lashed out. He was grateful to be able to love him, because that was who Castiel was. His purpose after falling was loving. And you know what? Cas was happy with that.</p><p>He was happy he'd found a home. A home he'd protect with all his might. (Which wasn't much at the moment but I think the sentiment mattered.)</p><p>And sometimes the only thing in his might was trying to make the brothers aware of his presence.</p><p>More or less successfully. Well, he had managed to make them aware of his presence, just not of the fact that it was <em>his </em>presence.</p><p>***</p><p>In the end Cas spent the whole evening just lounging around the Winchesters, occasionally trying to speak and startling them from their research about weird shudder phenomena which mostly resulted in 'You can watch these horror movies on shudder now!!' and similar articles.</p><p>At about 2 Sam decided to speak up.</p><p>"Dean?"</p><p>"Hm."</p><p>"I don't think we'll find anything useful today, so let's just go to bed. This thing hasn't really done anything except make weird noises and it could have attacked both of us already and we wouldn't know how to defend ourselves, so I'm gonna go to sleep. And so are you." He added after seeing Dean's look of displeasure.</p><p>"Dude, it gave me like atom cramps, okay? I don't know if I can sleep knowing it's around."</p><p>Dean pointedly looked around the room, ignoring the bitchface Sam shot him.</p><p>He grumbled when Sam wouldn't stop with his look.</p><p>"... but I guess you're right, I should at least try to get some sleep."</p><p>"Good. And Dean?"</p><p>Sam's look had softened immensely.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"You know you can talk to me. About anything."</p><p>Dean hid his smile behind an exasperated groan.</p><p>"No chick-flick moments, Sammy. Remember?"</p><p>That earned him a fond eyeroll.</p><p>"Yeah. You love them. Goodnight, jerk."</p><p>"Night, bitch."</p><p>As soon as Sam had left the room Cas could see Dean's facade fall. Where there had been a glimmer of mischief in his eyes just a second before there was now dull and empty sadness.</p><p>"Fuck, Cas, what did you do to me?"</p><p>Hearing those words whispered by Dean obviously close to tears made Cas flinch.</p><p>Did Dean really take his confession that badly? Was he so torn by the fact that his friend was in love with a man that he still hadn't quite recovered from it even after almost two weeks?</p><p>Cas hadn't exactly expected Dean to jump in his arms and kiss him like there was no tomorrow, hell, he'd even expected him to pull away a little, but he'd thought that eventually they'd get past it, like they did with everything. He'd been prepared to give him space, no matter how much it hurt, but he hadn't expected this.</p><p>Cas looked down resignedly. Well, he'd survive it. Live off of the few scraps of affection tossed his way now and again, as he'd always done.</p><p>With a bitter feeling in his stomach he followed Dean to his room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed it!! Comments inspire me to write immensely sooooo👀</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This isn't beta'd (is that the right form??) because my cousin had the audacity to be asleep at 5am when I finished this. So any mistakes are my own.<br/>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At first there was nothing wrong. Well, aside from the fact that he still didn't have a body and was watching Dean sleep, which Dean had complained about multiple times, but the urge to watch Dean whenever possible and protect him always won over his initial hesitation.</p><p>Cas had settled down on a chair in the corner of Dean's room, inspecting the photos on the wall but quickly giving up on that pretense and just looking at Dean.</p><p>He knew Dean didn't like him doing that, watching over him while he slept. Perhaps it had something to do with the way Dean didn't like being vulnerable in any way. But Cas had found that when asleep Dean looked at peace with the world and, more importantly, with himself, which was a rarity when he was awake.</p><p>He looked younger, innocent even, every trait he'd lost in hell suddenly back on his face, his soul pulsing with energy. Cas adored it.</p><p>Something pulled him out of his musings, barely noticeable at first, like a soft breeze in the summer.</p><p>Something was caressing him softly, coaxing him. It felt oddly familiar, like it was a part of him, something buried deep in his unconsciousness, warm like a lover's embrace after a stressful day. Cas didn't have the willpower to resist it when it pulled him out of the chair, he was too tired and it seemed to give him energy while simultaniously taking it from him.</p><p>He was at Dean's sleeping body before he had even so much as realised where it was guiding him. But it didn't stop when he arrived at the bed, it only grew stronger and stronger, pulling at Cas. He was suddenly too groggy to fight it, all alarm bells going off in his mind useless. Then it stopped, just above Dean's heart, before enveloping both him and the former angel completely.</p><p>The next thing he knew Cas was not in Dean's room anymore.</p><p>***</p><p>To say Cas was surprised to see what appeared to be a giant strawberry in front of his face upon awaking would be an understatement.</p><p>He slowly straightened up (pun fully intended) and looked around. From where he stood he could see snow-capped mountains with a forest at their base, a river emerging from it and ending in a waterfall. The sun shone from a clear – <em>green? </em>– sky.</p><p>It all looked quite normal, except of course for the fact that it appeared to be made of candy and such:<br/>
The mountains looked like dark chocolate covered in ice-cream, the trees like vaguely, well, <em>tree</em> shaped lollipops and the river like soda, yellow bubbles rising from it. Cas could see unicorns and strange dinosaur-bird hybrids nibbling on the giant fruits that were lying around at seemingly random.</p><p>Frankly it looked like the worlds you imagine when you're a child, a place without monsters, safe and wonderful. A place you imagine to escape the horrors of the real world. A safehouse.</p><p>And that's exactly what it felt like to Cas. He was overwhelmed by the longing for something unknown this place emitted at the same time as almost boyish happiness.</p><p>It was only then that he noticed he was back in his body, albeit dressed in a ridiculous pink ball gown and his usual askew tie.</p><p>Cas let out a sigh. Not only was he in a weird candy land (which would have been bad enough) but no, he was also dressed in something that would prove itself absolutely horrible if he had to fight a predator that likes ex-angels for dinner or, in case his angel blade was also gone, run away.</p><p>Nothing was ever easy for him, was it.</p><p>But it would do him no good if he continued standing here, out in the open. So he started following the soda river towards what looked like a cabin made of gingerbread.</p><p>Cas had been walking for only a few minutes when he noticed there was a small dot on the horizon, coming closer slowly but steadily. At first glance it looked like one of the dinosaur-bird hybrids he'd seen earlier, but when he looked closer he saw someone riding on it.</p><p>His steps faltered. Communicating with someone who lived here would probably be a good thing.</p><p>Unless they were a murderer of course. Which <em>was </em>definetly a possibility. He didn't know anything aboug this place, human shaped entities could be a former angel's natural enemy.</p><p>While Cas had been caught up in his musings the person had closed a lot of the distance between them, Cas could make out his (because by the looks of it it was a man) clothes.</p><p>They were... <em>unusual</em> to say the least:<br/>
a neon green cowboy hat with black tigerstripes, a black and blue flannel, neon blue pants held up by a black belt with green diamonds and green-blue cowboy boots. His face was hidden in the shadow of his hat.</p><p>Cas looked to the gingerbreadcabin. It was too far away, he wouldn't make it even if he wasn't wearing the ballgown. So he turned towards the rider with as much dignity as he could muster.</p><p>The rider in question had stopped his... animal by now and, hand resting on his gun, started speaking in what probably should be a commanding tone.</p><p>"Howdy, princess. Name yourself or face the wrath of the powerful Curly Dee Brocius."</p><p>He knew that voice.</p><p>The voice that made terrible cowboy puns.</p><p>The voice of the man he loved more than anything else in the world, more than his own life.</p><p>Dean.</p><p>Now that explained why the thing that had brought him here had been so familiar. It had been Dean's soul. Cas wanted to slap his forehead. Looking back it was so obvious. Instead he settled for staring disbelievingly at the love of his life looking exactly like the idiot he was.</p><p>"Dean?"</p><p>What a nice turn of events for once. And Dean could apparently see him, which was already an uprgade from the last time Cas had seen <em>Dean.</em></p><p>"Cas?"</p><p>Dean blinked once, his gaze getting clearer than it had been moments before. Not that it had been clouded, he just seemed more aware now somehow.</p><p>"Cas, is that you?"</p><p>He jumped off the animal and walked closer to Cas, a look of hope on his face, so fragile, like a single word could break him.</p><p>Just before Dean reached him he stopped, suddenly seeming very uncertain if what he was seeing was actually real.</p><p>Cas smiled.</p><p>"Hello, Dean."</p><p>That broke the hunter out of his daze. In a few quick steps he passed the small distance between them and wrapped Cas in a tight hug.</p><p>Oh how he'd missed this. It felt like the first hug they'd shared in purgatory, every bit as good as it had when they'd not been in this strange land. </p><p><em>A dream,</em> his mind helpfully supplied.</p><p>Cas took a deep breath. Dean's scent was overwhelming, his stubble lightly scratching Cas' neck, his arms a warm yet firm pressure. He mentally thanked the ballgown for exposing that much of his skin.</p><p>He wanted to pull Dean closer, closer, <em>closer</em> but he knew how the other would react to that. Still, Cas was content, happy even, to be held for the first time after what felt like years, finally letting himself relax.</p><p>The hug lasted longer than he'd expected and Cas immediately felt cold, Dean had taken his warmth with him. Before he could say anything though, Dean tentatively reached out with his hand, slowly fitting it against Cas' cheek, cradling his face. And if he leaned into it a little, well, there was only so much restraint he was able to bring up and most of it was currently being used by a part of his brain yelling 'Do <em>not </em>kiss him senseless right now, do <em>not</em> kiss him senseless right now, Castiel, do <em>not kiss hi</em>–'</p><p>Thankfully Dean's next words managed to distract him from that quite well.</p><p>"Cas. Man, it's good to see you. I– I think I owe you an explanation. When you died, well, what you told me before that, rather, I think, I... I was a mess and I don't... I don't–" <em>want to hurt you, but when you were talking about... </em><b><em>that</em></b><em>, I should have stopped you and told you I don't feel that way about you. I'm sorry. </em>Cas' mind helpfully supplied and his heart sank. He didn't want to hear it now, didn't want to let his joy be diminished by the rejection he knew was going to come so he interrupted him.</p><p>"Yeah, I know. It's okay." He said with a strained smile.</p><p>He had not expected Dean to visibly pale at this.</p><p>"Y– you know? And 'It's okay.'? And you still left me?"</p><p>He had removed his hand from Cas' cheek, now gesticulating wildly.</p><p>"Dean, I didn't leave you, I died."</p><p>Cas was getting upset himself now. Did Dean really not understand what he meant?</p><p>"That's my point, Cas! You <em>died.</em> We could have found another way. You sacrificed yourself for nothing!"</p><p>Dean had stepped away from him, moving back to his bird-dragon, only pausing for a split second after really taking in his surroundings for the first time.</p><p>"I didn't sacrifice myself for nothing, Dean. It was worth it."</p><p>Even from behind his back Cas could see him scoff.</p><p>"Yeah, sure... It wasn't worth dying for, we could have–"</p><p>"If there's anything worth dying for, it's you."</p><p>Dean flinched like he'd been hit.</p><p>"Don't say that. I know I'm not." He cleared his throat and turned around again, avoiding Cas' eyes.</p><p>Cas opened his mouth to protest but Dean was quicker.</p><p>"Anyways, you're back now, right? This isn't just– I'm not making this up, am I?"</p><p>Cas let his head fall forward. So they wouldn't have this conversation now. Alright, he could live with that. But now he'd have to find a way to explain the last few – what <em>had </em>it been, actually? Hours? Days? <em>Weeks? – </em>to Dean. This should be fun.</p><p>"Technically you <em>are </em>making this up, this is a dream, after all."</p><p>After seeing Dean's face fall he hurried to add: "But I'm real, my remaining grace seems to have decided to visit you in your sleep."</p><p>"Oh, yeah okay... But the Empty...?"</p><p>Cas sighed. He really didn't want to have to explain that now.</p><p>"Can we maybe discuss this later? When I'm not wearing a dress and you're not wearing... <em>that</em>?"</p><p>"You do look quite nice in a ballgown though." Judging by the blush creeping up Dean's neck that had slipped out without his permission.</p><p>Cas bowed his head in thanks, a teasing smile on his lips.</p><p>"Do you expect me to curtsey now?"</p><p>"Shut up."</p><p>Dean blushed even harder and Cas was once again taken aback by his beauty. After all these years he was still beautiful, still Dean Winchester, the man he'd rescued from hell.</p><p>He was beautiful when he laughed, he was beautiful when he slept, when he played a board game with Jack, when he was exitedly talking about a movie. Cas imagined it would only intensify after being kissed thoroughly, lying under him, being–<br/>
Nope. Not going there.</p><p>Clearing his throat a little awkwardly he decided it was time for a change of topic and pointed at the dinosaur-bird.</p><p>"So this... <em>thing</em>. How did you even manage to come up with something like that?"</p><p>Dean shrugged, obviously relieved by the change.</p><p>"Dunno, you tell me, you're the one in my mind. I'm calling it a B-Rex though. Or a Bi-Rex, not sure yet. But Bir-Rex sounds awful so it's a competition between these two." He sounded awfully proud about that.</p><p>"Wanna go for a ride? It's more comfortable than it looks, I swear. Tested it personally." He winked.</p><p>But before Cas had a chance to answer there suddenly was a noise, no someone talking. It was very loud and seemed to come from everywhere.</p><p>"Dean. Dean, wake up. For god's sake. Dean! You were supposed to go shopping while I was away remember?!"</p><p>They looked at each other, Dean smile slightly awkward.</p><p>"Guess Sammy isn't happy with B-Rexes." Then in a more serious tone: "Are you still gonna be there when I wake up?"</p><p>Truth was, Cas didn't know. But god he hoped so. He couldn't imagine what would happen if he wasn't. Something like this dream might have been a one time thing.</p><p>"I swear to... Dean!"</p><p>Cas could only watch as the mountains around them became one with the trees and the landscape blurred into something unrecognisable, the only constant being Dean's hopeful face.</p><p>"I don't know. I truly don't."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I should probably mention that English isn't my native language so if there are any weird expressions let me know.</p><p>Cas' outfit (minus the tie):</p><p>https://mobile.twitter.com/dailymishapics/status/1182846761993416705</p><p> </p><p>Dean's outfit (minus pants and flannel):</p><p>https://images.app.goo.gl/jZapFjFsdj1royRq6</p><p>https://images.app.goo.gl/setBCWUpYeadXXeb9</p><p>https://images.app.goo.gl/Rru34jt7cgoen88GA</p><p>I hope the links work!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*peeks out from behind rock* Hello<br/>It's been a while...<br/>School started again and it seems like the teachers wanna make life a living hell. I literally slept 6 hours each night last week and had no free time whatsoever. So yeah, here's chapter four. I'm not completely happy with it but it's ok.</p><p>TRIGGER WARNING<br/>Cas has a panic attack, struggles with breathing, etc. during that he also makes his hand bleed (mentioned).<br/>So if that's triggering I suggest you skip this chapter.</p><p>There might be some confusion with the fonts<br/>Italic: Dean's thoughts Cas can hear<br/>Bold: Cas' thoughts Dean can't hear<br/>Italic and underlined: Cas' thoughts Dean can hear<br/>Airquotes and italic: speaking to the one in control through thoughts</p><p>This isn't beta'd, any mistakes are my own.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cas could feel Dean withdrawing from the dream, the scenery fading until he was surrounded by darkness.</p><p>He expected to suddenly be forced from Dean's mind or simply poof out of existence, something along those lines. But to his surprise neither happened.</p><p>Instead he found himself sitting in... well, it wasn't quite a room, he supposed. The edges of some of the furniture were blurred, others impossibly sharp, the room something that might have been the Dean Cave if there weren't something just slightly <em>off</em> about it.</p><p>Cas turned slowly, taking everything in when he heard Dean calling his name, clear as day and only a little panicked.</p><p>"Cas? Cas, you there, buddy? Come on, come on... Cas!"</p><p>His perplexion only lasted a few seconds before he answered. <em>"I'm here, Dean."</em> Cas frowned. <em>"Though I suppose I am not certain where 'here' is."</em> He let his gaze wander around the room again. It really did look an awful lot like the Dean Cave.</p><p>In the next moment he felt something akin to relief wash over him. Except it didn't feel quite right again, like it was muffled somehow, a conversation overheard from behind closed doors, tears silenced by a hand, something deeply <em>wrong.</em></p><p>Huh.</p><p>"Oh, thank-" He heard a sigh and a muttered 'oh no I'm not thanking that fucker'. "You really scared me there, man. Wow. I... I, uh, suppose I should go tell Sammy that you're back, now. Yeah, I'll... yeah. Just, stay where you are, I guess." Dean let out an awkward chuckle.</p><p>
  <em>Dude, could you be anymore awkward, you skunk. Like wow that's gotta be in the top ten category of your wo-</em>
</p><p>What?</p><p>It sounded like Dean, of that there was no doubt, granted his manner of speaking <em>was</em> a bit odd, it wasn't the same as when he'd talked before. It felt more like an echo or vibrations than spoken words. Again, there was a distortedness Cas couldn't quite place, like speaking through cotton or a pillow.</p><p>
  <em>- I mean seriously, dude. Way to greet the guy after he... after... </em>
  <b>
    <em>that</em>
  </b>
  <em>. You sho-</em>
</p><p><em>"Dean?"</em> Cas sighed. Whatever this was, it was so much worse than angel radio. Hearing Dean not even being able to acknowledge his feelings... it stung more than expected. He'd long since resigned himself to the fact that he was alone with his feelings, but, as they say, hope dies last. And oh, wasn't that a funny little word. Hope. Four letters. Four letters to convey an emotion stronger than any other, burning brightly and fighting to stay alive against all odds, even when all seemed doomed there was always a spark.</p><p>He scoffed. That was a typically human thing to do. To believe in good things even when everything lay shattered in pieces at one's feet, it was stupid, really.</p><p>Cas could only pity those that didn't feel it.</p><p>His musings were interrupted by Dean's answer.<br/>
"What is it, Cas? And why can I still hear you? Not that I'm complaining."</p><p>
  <em>Shut up! You're making it so much worse, such a toddler.</em>
</p><p>Cas' frown was back. ...toddler?</p><p>
  <em>"I didn't say anything and I am, in fact, millions of years old, not a 'toddler'."</em>
</p><p>The disdain at the audible airquotes was tangible.</p><p>"What are you talking about?"</p><p>
  <b>What are you talking about, man?</b>
</p><p>Cas flinched. The memory of that night was still somewhat split between the pain of rejection (and death, of course) and incredible amounts of joy.</p><p>"Woah, what was that? Was that you? Did you do that weird... I don't know, shock wave thingy? With the- with the tingles?"</p><p>
  <em>Wow, Dean, you're </em>
  <b>
    <em>so good </em>
  </b>
  <em>at describing things. Did you study 'How To Speak Without Anyone Knowing What I'm Saying' or are you just a natural at fucking up? Ah wait you didn't study at all. 'Cause, you know, you dro-</em>
</p><p>It hit him like a truck. There was no preparation, no moment to gather himself, nothing.</p><p>He was possessing Dean. He, Castiel, former angel of the lord, was in the body of the love of his life.</p><p><em><span class="u">I'm inside Dean.</span></em><br/>
<br/>
There was panic welling up inside him and he almost missed the "Dinner first." Dean muttered before the room around him changed again, suddenly he was in a hallway in the bunker.</p><p>Everything seemed normal. Well, a bit smaller, perhaps. That is, until he realized why everything looked smaller.</p><p>
  <em>"Cas?! Cas! What happened? I can't- I'm not in control!"</em>
</p><p>Oh no.</p><p>Not only was he possessing Dean for some reason, now he was also <em>controlling his body.</em></p><p>Cas' vision blurred and his legs felt like they would give out any second.</p><p>This was just great. First he turned up without a corporeal form and somehow hitched a ride in Dean's body, but then he didn't even stay in in the passenger seat, no he took the steering wheel. <em>All without Dean's consent.</em></p><p>
  <em>"Cas? Castiel, feathers for ass and all that, care to tell me what the fuck is happening?"</em>
</p><p>There was no air. He needed air, there was supposed to be air. <em>Why was there no air?</em></p><p>He felt something hammering in his chest, its pounding deafening in his ears, like death banging against the door to a storage room, a clock counting his last seconds. But that was over, wasn't it?</p><p>
  <b>What if it isn't, Cas? What if you're still in there, in the darkness, reliving your worst memories? </b>
</p><p>His knees hit the floor, there was wetness against his cheeks, stinging in his palms, still no air in his lungs.</p><p>"Dean? Dean, calm down it's okay, I'm here. It's me, you're safe."</p><p>Cas flinched up. Standing over him was a figure, tall and looming, mocking.</p><p>So now it was using his family to torture him?</p><p>A whimper escaped his lips. A whimper from someone else's voice.</p><p>He could see the darkness looming at the edges of his visions, there were voices talking and it was too loud and too much and he just needed to get out, get away, run, run, <em>run-</em></p><p>A sharp pain on his face snapped him out of his panic, hand flying up to cover the sting.</p><p>"Dean? Can you hear me?" Sam? Sam was good. Sam was family. He could trust Sam.</p><p>
  <em>"Say something, Cas! He's worried."</em>
</p><p>Cas nodded, causing Sam to let out a relieved breath.</p><p>"Okay, good. That's good. Uhm, is it fine if I touch your arm to help you up?"</p><p>Another short nod.</p><p>
  <em>"Cas, what was that? You okay, man? Seriously, that was worse than the tingly thing. It was more of an ele-"</em>
</p><p>He shot Sam a thankful glance, moving away from him as quickly and discreetly as possible. The muscles in Cas' shoulders had never been this tense, like a string ready to snap. Dean's rambling didn't help.</p><p>"Dean, please, can you manage to just shut up for one second?"</p><p>Maybe he should have seen it coming that Sam would pull his gun and point it at him. Maybe he should have anticipated being backed up against a wall. But he was exhausted, he'd just noticed that he'd dug his nails into his hands deep enough to draw blood (he didn't seem to be able to not hurt Dean, did he) and his face hurt from where Sam had slapped him. So yeah, it was only logical that he didn't.</p><p>"Who are you. And where's my brother." It wasn't a question. This Sam wasn't the one who'd comforted him only seconds ago, this was Sam the hunter.</p><p>
  <em>"Damnit, Cas! He's gonna shoot us if you don't answer. Oh and if I got shot because you cou-"</em>
</p><p>Muffled (because there really was no other word for it) irritation overcame him. Cas sighed.</p><p>"He's not gonna shoot you, Dean. He wouldn't hurt you."</p><p>That was apparently the wrong thing to say to someone who couldn't hear what was going on inside his head.</p><p>Sam's eyes narrowed.</p><p>"I'm gonna ask one last time." -his gun was pressed harder into Cas' neck- "Who. Are. You."</p><p>The metal was cold against his skin, it was grounding in a weird way.</p><p>"It's me. Cas. I'm back, I guess."</p><p>The distrust was visible in Sam's eyes, hell, his whole body basically screamed 'I don't trust you'. But there was also a flicker of hope. That terribly human trait would be their end someday.</p><p>"That's not possible. Dean said you died. He wouldn't lie about that."</p><p>Suddenly there was a presence squeezing itself beside him, forcing him to pull back slightly. It was warm and Cas reveled in the feeling of being pressed against Dean's soul, it felt like coming home to a welcoming space after a long day. He relaxed immediately. So his mouth moving without him telling it to do so caught him offguard and he flinched slightly.</p><p>"Oh for fuck's sake, Sammy. Look, I'm here, it's Dean, see? Yayyyy. So if you could take that freakin' <em>firearm</em> away from my –our?– neck, I'd really appreciate that."</p><p>Sam hesitated but did lower the gun, credits to him for that.</p><p>"So it's Cas? He's, uh, back?"</p><p>"Seems like-" "I know-" "-but he-" "-was dead-" "-and then I-" "-saw Dean-"</p><p>Both of them stopped. Apparently sharing a body and speaking at the same time didn't work.</p><p>They were getting a look of utter confusion from Sam.</p><p>Cas lifted a hand to awkwardly rub at his jaw.</p><p>"You can go first, Dean." He let his iron grip loosen a little.</p><p>"Uh, thanks, man. Well, Sam, I was just going to sleep, you know, after the, uhm, incident? That was you, Cas, right? The atom cramps?" He faltered.</p><p>
  <em>"Yes, I was trying to contact you."</em>
</p><p>"Oh, good, so after that I fell, asleep, I guess. And then while I was dreaming of-" Dean shuffeled. "Not important, anyway. So I just kinda found Cas there. And now he's in here." He tapped his head.</p><p>It seemed like that explanation hadn't really cleared things up. "Okay? Dean, that's by far the worst explanation you've given. Ever."</p><p>
  <em>He's right, actually. You don't know fancy words like he does. You can't even put your emotions into words on a good day. On a bad day, whew, we don't want to go there. You know, not saying anything while your best friend of twelve years is confess-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Dean, stop that. It's distracting."</em>
</p><p>
  <b>And pretty fucking painful.</b>
</p><p>"Cas, how did it even happen? You possessing Dean or whatever. I mean I thought angels needed explicit permission?"</p><p>Sam looked somewhere between amused and deeply uncomfortable and continued his sentence before either of them could answer.</p><p>"You know what? I'm just gonna leave you alone. This doesn't seem dangerous. You can sort this whole-" he vaguely waved his hand in their direction "-<em>thing </em>out. And then we'll figure out how to, uh, get you, Cas, out of you, Dean. I'll be in the library if you need me." And with that he took off.</p><p>They stood in silence for a few seconds until Dean decided to speak.</p><p>"So, you wanna let me back in control or...? Not that it's not okay for you to take control once in a while, but it's my body and I'd like to, well, be able to move my limbs without clawing at you." His voice faded with every word and Cas could feel his face burning.</p><p>
  <em>More suggestive didn't work, did it? Why not 'Shackle me to the bed and fu-'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Dean. Your thoughts are too loud."</em>
</p><p>"Sorry."</p><p>
  <em>You're blushing, you big buffoon. </em>
</p><p>Cas pulled back from the front of Dean's mind, leaving the other in full control again, and was back in the kind-of-but-not-quite Dean Cave.</p><p>It was only now that he noticed <em>what </em>was actually different. There were a few plants scattered around the room, the two recliners had turned into a comfortable looking sofa bed and there was a fridge in a corner. Not a mini-fridge used to store alcohol, no, it was an honest to god kitchen one.</p><p>Huh.</p><p>"Whoa, dude, are those your <em>wings</em>?"</p><p>Cas snapped his head around only for feathers to block his line of sight. Well, that was certainly unexpected.</p><p>
  <em>"Yes, I suppose they are. I've never seen them this way, though. They're usually less... material?"</em>
</p><p>He lifted a hand to run it through the feathers. They were black but shimmered in rainbow colours when hit by light, like oil.</p><p>
  <em>They look so fluffy. I bet they're fluffy. I just wanna run my hands all over them. </em>
</p><p>Dean let out an audible gasp.</p><p>"They look awesome, Cas. When you're out.of my head, can you, like, I don't know, summon them then or something? That would be amazing."</p><p>Cas smiled. He would try, of course, but he didn't have his grace anymore, who knew if it would work. Who knew if they could even get him out of Dean's head. A situation like this was completely unknown to them.</p><p>
  <em>"Of course, Dean. I'll try my best."</em>
</p><p>"Awesome. We should probably find a way to figure out what's going on though, right? Research time. Yay."</p><p>Cas smiled and let his wings settle comfortably at his back.</p><p>He really had missed Dean.</p><p>
  <em>"Yes, I suppose we should."</em>
</p><p>"Oh, and Cas?"</p><p>
  <em>"Yes?"</em>
</p><p>"Good to have you back."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!!</p><p>Comments always make my day👀</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So uhh hi?<br/>It's been a while, sorry. School is killing me and it's probably not getting any better for a while. I have some more freetime this week which I might use for writing but who knows.</p><p>Thanks to my two wonderful friends who beta'd this. And happy birthday, Neli. Your present is coming soon.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Waking up in a shared body was a strange sensation.</p><p>Actually, waking up was an unfamiliar sensation to Cas in general. He'd never needed sleep as an angel. Well, that one time when he'd fallen asleep in baby, but back then his grace had been fading, just as it was now. Or maybe it was already gone now, he wasn't certain.</p><p>But being awake while the body you were in woke up, that was definitely new.</p><p>He felt Dean's grogginess and mixed with his own sharp awareness it really made for an interesting feeling.</p><p>Consciousness came slowly, like mist slowly winding through a sleeping village, cold but peaceful. Dean was reaching out for him, wether it was knowingly or not. Cas' heart ached. If only Dean knew what effect he had on him.</p><p>
  <b>He'd leave if he did, you're lucky he hasn't yet. But, well, it can be hard to leave someone if they're stuck in your body, I suppose.</b>
</p><p>Cas shook his head. He really would be lucky if Dean didn't send him away after they got him his body back. Things would change between them, he was sure. Even if Dean wanted them to continue being friends, there'd be less touches, maybe none at all. There would surely be no more movie nights with Dean falling asleep against his side. He suddenly felt nauseous.</p><p>
  <b>I don't know if I can live like that, without even a friendly </b>
  <b>pat on the shoulder once in a while, with him watching his every move around me, I'm not sure if I'll make it without breaking what's left of me.</b>
</p><p>But he wouldn't leave if Dean didn't tell him to, that was obvious. He'd sacrifice every little part of himself until nothing was left, just to stay with Dean. His little monolouge had been true, after all. Happiness <em>was </em>in the being – the happiness in having might just be less painful.</p><p>Cas sighed. He really needed to learn to keep his thoughts quiet.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>
      <span class="u">Dean's POV:</span>
    </em>
  </b>
</p><p>It was warm when he woke up. Not a 'if I don't take all my clothes off <em>immediately </em>I will <em>die</em>' kind of heat, but a cozy, lazy heat that made him snuggle up in his blankets a little more. He sighed contently.</p><p>They'd spent all of yesterday on research about bodysharing, Grace and The Empty and found next to nothing. Of course the Men of Letters had three volumes on how to take someone's life with a fucking daisy but not on angel grace.</p><p>Over the day Dean had gotten used to the buzzing in the back of his mind that would occasionally offer comments or point out details he hadn't noticed. He had <em>not, </em>however, gotten noticed to his body moving without him telling it to. Cas kept it to the minimum but he still slipped up sometimes and accidentally took control, apologising sheepishly immediately after.</p><p>Dean smiled. It was endearing to see (and <em>feel</em>) the angel all flustered, his gorgeous wings puffed up in embarrassement.</p><p>
  <em>Damn, those wings. So fluffy, wanna smush my face in them. Wha-</em>
</p><p><em>"Dean, I don't think you're quite awake yet." </em>Came an amused reply from the back of his mind.</p><p>Wait, Cas had <em>heard </em>that?! Heat flooded his cheeks, his brain really wasn't to be trusted before at least one coffee.</p><p>Dean grumbled as he got disentangled himself from the sheets. He put on his bathrobe.</p><p>"I'll make some breakfast."</p><p>***</p><p>As it turned out doing anything while sharing a body was weird. When he was eating he could taste a mix of bacon and something that were apparently molecules, according to the resident angel in his brain. When he had to go to the toilet he was overly aware of the presence at the back of his mind, even though Cas had promised to shut himself off while Dean was going through his morning routine. Hell, even <em>seeing </em>was weird. Everything was a brightened by a layer of colours.</p><p>To his question of 'So this is what shrimps see?' Cas had only sighed as answer.</p><p>They went through a whole day of research like this. Dean pointing out new sensations and Cas telling him that the human way was also unfamiliar to one of them.</p><p>In the end they didn't find much, except that two souls in a body would slowly destroy it if not connected by a strong bond.</p><p>"Yeah, but I'm the <em>Michaelsword</em>, Cas. I don't think two souls could destroy me this quickly. Oh and I'm pretty sure you don't even have a soul. No offense." An exasperated sigh was his only answer.</p><p>"And 'connected by a strong bond'? I mean what the hell does that even mean?" Another sigh.</p><p>
  <em>"Probably that the souls cohabitating must have known and cherished each other for some time. I think in this context it might even refer to a relationship of romantic sorts. Or very strong platonic affection."</em>
</p><p>Dean's brain screeched to a halt at this.</p><p>
  <em>Relationship of romantic... sorts? That doesn't- that doesn't mean what I think it means... right? He's, uhm, not implying that we, uh-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">Ouch. You knew not to get your hopes up, but no...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>Again there was this muffled pang of... <em>something </em>inside his chest. Dean absentmindedly rubbed over it.</p><p>
  <em>"I- I wasn't implying that we were involved in a romantic manner, Dean. I merely stated that such bonds often result of years of commitment, loyalty and love for the other. But such things are also found in strong friendships. Your body would probably hold us for years, decades, possibly, but I would still like to get my own body back."</em>
</p><p>Yeah, of course Cas didn't want to be stuck with him for longer than absolutely necessary. Who would?</p><p>Everyone needed space from him, couldn't be around him longer than absolutely necessary. Even Sam left after spending the obligatory three hours with him. It only made sense that Cas would want some space sooner rather than later.</p><p><b>Stop that. </b>He told himself. Of course he wants his own body back, you would too.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah sure. Of course you do." Dean answered after a pause that was just a tad too long.</p><p>
  <em>"You do know what that means though, right?"</em>
</p><p>"I'm guessing more research?"</p><p>
  <em>"More research."</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>That was how they spent most of their days at this point:<br/>
Get up, make breakfast, research, dinner, research, sleep.</p><p>Most of the time Dean would be in control but occasionally he would let Cas have a stretch while he curled up in the not Dean-Cave for the rest he didn't get at night.</p><p>Because while he slept he dreamt. And that was bad. Because Dean had had <em>a lot</em> of dreams with Cas as the main attraction over the years, none of which he was too keen to share with anyone. So every night he was paranoid Cas was going to walk in on him doing... well, <em>him</em>. Which yeah, weird and awkward on a whole nother level. And that paranoia made him sleep even lighter than usual.</p><p>All in all it wasn't a good time for him. At least in the first week. When he passed out from exhaustion and Cas made him sleep for ten hours straight he discovered that while Cas <em>could </em>see his dreams and could <em>theoretically </em>walk into them he'd usually keep quiet. And most of Dean's dreams were completely insane anyway. If they weren't nightmares, at least.</p><p>So that became the new routine:<br/>
Get up, make breakfast, research, dinner, research, actually sleep.</p><p>It worked out well for quite some time. Until it didn't.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments are the only thing keeping me sane and you do want to keep me sane right. Please?</p><p>I'm on tumblr as falling-through-void, say hi?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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